A man is walking through a pet store and sees a sign that reads "Parrot For Sale: $50"

"A parrot for fifty dollars?!", the man says to himself in amazement. "Parrots usually go for several hundreds of dollars."

He inquires about the parrot, and why it is on sale for $50. The manager of the store tells the man that the parrot has no legs.

"If he has no legs, then how does he stand on his perch?" asks the customer.

The store manager becomes embarrassed, then tells the customer, "Well, the parrot has an extremely long phallus, which he wraps around the perch for support."

The manager shows the man the legless parrot. And sure enough, the bird is on his perch supported by his phallus. The parrot says hello, then starts a conversation with the customer. The parrot was formerly owned by a naval officer. The parrot not only could carry a conversation, but was also fluent in several different languages.

"This parrot is amazing!", the man says. "Legs or no legs, I'll take him."

A few weeks later, the man is going out of town on business. He asks the parrot to keep an eye on his wife while he is gone. The parrot is more than happy to oblige.

Three days later, the man comes home from his business trip to find his wife not home and the parrot on the floor.

"HELP ME UP! HELP ME UP!, screeches the parrot.

The man helps the parrot get back on his perch, then asks what happened.

"Yesterday, one of your co-workers came over to visit your wife.", the parrot tells him.

What happened then?" masks the man.

"Well, they started to make out. And they were fondling one another."

"What happened next?", asks the man.

"Well, they took all their clothes off and got onto the bed. Then your co-worker started kissing your wife on her breasts, worked his way down her stomach, and then started to kiss her in between her legs.", the parrot tells his owner.

"What happened after he started kissing her all over?", the man asks.

To which the parrot informs him: "I don't know. I got a hard-on and fell off my perch!"

In February, I wrote a blog about not having a television set, and recently I wrote about my adventure buying one. In case anyone is wondering, I have it hooked up with the home theater system, and the picture and sound is great. It is nice to be able to actually watch the evening news instead of listening to it.

Something is bothering me, though. Tonight, I was watching the CBS Evening News, and the lead story was President Bush talking to the press at the White House in regards to Iraq. One of the questions asked was when his administration would consider removing troops from Iraq. President Bush suggested that the United States would be in this for the long haul, and that the decision to withdraw troops from Iraq would be made by future presidents.

Is anyone else bothered by this? When I heard this comment from the president, I got the impression that the Bush administration never had an exit plan to withdraw troops in the first place. Now I am starting to think that no one in the Bush administration even planned for what may happen after U.S. forces invaded Iraq. I really think that President Bush does not even have a plan on finishing what was started over in Iraq because there was no thought out timetable.

Leave it for the next president to worry about. And hopefully that president has better advisers.

This is really bothering me. Is it bothering you?

Stanley boards an airplane and takes his seat. He notices that an attractive blond woman is sitting next to him. Stanley then figures out a way to meet this woman.

"I understand that if you have a conversation with the person sitting next to you on an airplane, your flight will appear to be shorter than it actually is.", Stanley tells her.

The blond woman closes the book she is reading and asks Stanley, "What would you like to talk about?"

Picking a subject off the top of his head, Stanley says, "Well, how about nuclear power."

"Well, first of all, let me ask you this", says the blond. "A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat grass. The deer drops little pellets, the cow drops a flat patty, and a horse drops muffins. How do you explain this?"

Stumped, Stanley responds, "I really don't know the answer to that."

To which the blond replies, "Then how do you plan to discuss nuclear power when you don't know shit!"

I had a day off from work today. It was nice to catch up on things that needed to be done around the apartment. When you work a second job over the weekend, it is nice to have a break. Especially when you have to deal with clowns everyday. I was able to catch up on any errands that I neglected to do during the week.

After breakfast, I took my tool box down to the truck to start changing the oil and oil filter. I saw my neighbor cleaning her windows and I said good morning to her. We proceeded to talk for an hour and catch up on what is going on in each other's lives. She works two jobs, so we hardly see each other. We talked about what we have been up to, about work, and the clowns we have to deal with at work.

After she went in to get ready for work, I laid an old sheet down on the ground underneath the engine and started to change the oil and filter on the truck. No matter how careful I am, it seems like I always get oil on the parking lot. When I finished, I took the old filter and oil stained sheet to the dumpster.

Two teenagers were riding around by the dumpster area on these pocket rocket mini electric motorcycles. If you have not seen one, these are much smaller than the mini bikes me and my friends would ride when we were teenagers back in the 70s. Watching the two ride around, it reminded me of the clowns I would see at the circus when I was a child. A tall clown would be riding a tricycle while a small car would pull up and twenty clowns would come running out, stumbling over one another. I started to hear circus music in my head.

Later in the afternoon I went to buy a television set. I am looking at televisions, and there is no one around to assist me.There is never anyone there when you need them. As I am looking at the television set, some clown walks by and notices which television I am looking at and proceeds to walk down the aisle.

I begin to hear circus music and as soon as I turn around, the clown is walking with a salesperson to the television I am looking at. The two of them immediately load the only boxed television underneath the display shelf onto the cart, and the clown takes off with the television I wanted.

The salesperson then smiles at me and asks if he can be of service.

D'OH!

"Yeah, do you have another one of those television sets that I was looking at? I hope you do!" I had a funny feeling that the store would be out of that model.

"As a matter of fact, we have one right here", he says. I look up at the top shelf behind me, and there is another box of the model I wanted. He then gets the lift out and raises it to the top shelf and brings down the television . I thanked him for his help and went to the register as I steered clear of the clown that had the other television set.

I brought the television home and drove up to my apartment. One of the clowns rode by on their mini motorcycle. Still no small car, though.

"Do I hear circus music?", I asked myself as I got out of the truck. I look to my left, and here comes the ice cream truck driving through the parking lot playing that jingle that sounds like music from the big top. I'm just waiting to turn around and get hit with a cream pie or sprayed with seltzer water.

My neighbor's son was visiting, and he helped me carry the box up the stairs to the apartment. After reading the instructions in the manual, I was able to hook up the television to my home theater. I cannot believe that a few of the electronic stores actually have a service person to come to your home for a service fee and put together your electronic equipment. All one has to do is have patience and read the manual, then hook up the cables to where it shows in the diagrams provided. Plug it in, and run a few tests to see if everything works properly. A clown can do this.

I finished watching the NCAA tournament and made sure that my new television and everything in my home theater worked properly. I am glad that I had the day off. I was able to catch up on a few things and finish what I have been putting off. Hopefully I will be able to start the week refreshed and ready to take care of any other business I need to do. It is late, so I need to say "Good Night!"
I have a busy day tomorrow.

And I will probably have more clowns to deal with.

Do I hear circus music?

Two men were sitting next to each other at a bar. After a while, one guy looks at the other and says, "I can't help but think, from listening to you, that you're from Ireland."

The other guy responds proudly, "Yes, that I am!"

The first guy says, "So am I! And where about from Ireland might you be?"

The other guy answers, "I'm from Dublin, I am."

The first guy responds, "Sure and begora, and so am I! And what street did you live on in Dublin?"

The other guy says, "A lovely little area it was. I lived on McCleary Street in the old central part of town."

The first guy says, "Faith and it's a small world, so did I! So did I! And to what school would you have been going?"

The other guy answers, "Well now, I went to St. Mary's of course."

The first guy gets really excited and says, "And so did I. Tell me, what year did you graduate?"

The other guy answers, "Well now, let's see, I graduated in 1964."

The first man exclaims, "The Good Lord must be smiling down upon us! I can hardly believe our good luck at winding up in the same bar tonight. Can you believe it. I graduated from St. Mary's in 1964 my own self."

About this time, Vicky walks into the bar, sits down, and orders a beer.

Brian, the bartender, walks over to Vicky, shaking his head and mutters, "It's going to be a long night tonight!!!"

Vicky asks, "Why do you say that, Brian?"

"The Murphy twins are drunk again."

Happy Saint Patrick's Day!