It's that time of year again. The annual summer camp.

So before anyone starts writing to me about having nightmares from their childhood summer camp experiences and the bills from counseling and medication as a result of attending summer camps, I'll let you know right now that I will not be writing about any events from our summer camp.

I will, however, let you know that my shift at work has been changed. I am now going in at 8:30 a.m. and working to 5:00 p.m. Which to me, is odd because for all the years I worked summer camps, I would usually go in at 5:30 a.m. Or maybe 6:00 a.m. at the latest.

It's strange because for years, I have been going to work during the morning hours before sunrise. Now, the sunrise awakens me as it shines through the window that faces east. Which actually is a wonderful feeling, considering all the times I would go into work in darkness. Hell, even the rooster would still be sleeping when I drove into work. Usually, I was the one waking his sorry ass up.

Now, the rooster looks at me as if to say: "Are ya' up yet?" And then the rooster looks at the coffee pot,only to see that the Mr. Coffee on the kitchen counter is not plugged in.

Ya want coffee? Brew it yourself! And bring in the damn newspaper next time. Just because the devil and angel don't bring in the paper, doesn't give you an excuse.

Anyway, I have to make some changes to my schedule after work. And I have to change my routine at work as well. So if I have not been writing lately, it means that I am really busy at work. So being able to have a coffee break at work when there is 150 children running around will be few and far between.

Especially when someone peed on the floor in the girl's bathroom.

And just think, thirty years from now, that girl will be paying good money to a shrink to figure out why she peed on the floor.

It is now 10:45 p.m. I have to get ready for bed, since I have to be at work at 7:00 a.m. This is for tomorrow only. I have some business to attend to after work. And then on Monday, it's back to 8:30 a.m.

So good night, and I'll drop in on everybody soon.

And if you see a little red rooster walking around looking lost, send him home. He probably hasn't had his coffee yet.

"Bless me Father, for I have sinned. It has been a week since my last confession. Here is my sin:

I have been with a loose girl."

The priest asks, "Is that you, little Johnny Parisi?"

"Yes, Father, it is."

"And who was the girl you were with?"

"I can't tell you, Father. I don't want to ruin her reputation."

"Well, Johnny, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later, so you may want to tell me now."

"Was it Tina Minetti?"

"I cannot say."

"Was it Teresa Volpe?"

"I'll never tell."

"Was it Nina Capelli?"

"I'm sorry, but I cannot name her."

"Was it Cathy Piriano?"

"My lips are sealed."

"Was it Rosa DiAngelo, then?"

"Please, Father, I cannot tell you."

The priest sighs in frustration. "You're very tight lipped, Johnny Parisi, and I admire that. But you have sinned and have to atone."

"You cannot be an altar boy now for four months. Now you go and behave yourself."

Johnny walks back to his pew, and his friend Nino slides over and whispers, "What did you get?"

"Four months vacation and five good leads."

When NASA was preparing for the Apollo Project, it took the astronauts to a Navajo reservation in Arizona for training.

One day, a Navajo elder and his son came across the space crew walking among the rocks. The elder, who spoke only Navajo, asked a question. His son translated for the NASA people: "What are these guys in the big suits doing?"

One of the astronauts said that they were practicing a trip to the moon. When his son relayed this comment the Navajo elder got all excited and asked if it would be possible to give the astronauts a message to deliver to the moon.

Recognizing a promotional opportunity when he saw one, a NASA official accompanying the astronauts said, "Why certainly!" and told an underling to get a tape recorder. The Navajo elder's comments into the microphone was brief.

The NASA official asked the son if he would translate what his father said. The son listened to the recording and laughed uproariously. But he refused to translate.

So the NASA people took the tape to a nearby Navajo village and played the tape for other members of the tribe. They too laughed long and loudly but also refused to translate the elder's message to the moon.

An official government translator was summoned. After he finally stopped laughing, the translator relayed the message:

"Watch out for these assholes. They have come to steal your land."

Bill Clinton started jogging near his new home in Chappaqua. But on each run he happened to jog past a hooker standing on the same street corner, day after day. With some apprehension he would brace himself as he approached her for what was most certainly to follow.

"Fifty dollars!", she would yell out from the curb.

"No, five dollars!", fired back Bill.

This ritual between Bill and the hooker continued for days. He would run by and she would yell, "Fifty dollars!"

And he would yell back, "Five dollars!"

One day, however, Hillary decided that she wanted to accompany her husband on his jog. As the couple neared the street corner, Bill realized the prostitute would yell her $50 offer and Hillary would wonder what he had really been doing on all of his past outings.

He realized he should have a darn good explanation for the junior Senator. As they jogged into the turn that would take them past the corner, Bill became more apprehensive than usual.

Sure enough, there was the hooker. Bill tried to avoid the prostitute's eyes as she watched the pair jog past.

Then, from the sidewalk, the hooker yelled...

"See what you get for five bucks!"

I remember a song from the Pretenders with a line about watching the laundry go around. I spent a good part of yesterday doing just that.

I had plans for Friday evening, only to get backed up with errands. By the time I had dinner, it was 7:00 p.m. I had to be at the shopping mall before 9:00 p.m. to make a payment on my J.C. Penney card, then I had another store to go to before that store closed. So much for seeing a movie.

I did not feel like going out to a bar. The last time I went out for a few drinks, I had some attractive woman rubbing up against me the whole evening. That would not be bad, considering that she was there with her husband.

Her husband apologized to me for her behavior and made a comment as to why he doesn't take her out for drinks. I can see why.

It seems like when I go out for drinks, I always attract some weirdo. Why, a friend of mine even bought me a t-shirt with the following caption:

If I am a magnet, then why do I attract assholes?

As for that wild and crazy Friday night I had planned, it was spent at home with a diet soda and a cigar. After work on Saturday, I got REALLY wild and crazy! Two beers! No laundry tonight. I will do that Monday.

So it is Monday. And I am watching the clothes go around. Boy, talk about an exciting bachelor life.

Where did that wild and crazy guy go? I guess he matured. Either that,or got tired of attracting the weirdos. Two beers? I remember back in the day when I had two beers, the night was getting started. And if a woman was rubbing against me, she was single. And there was no jerk around looking to try to kick my ass.

I will try to make plans for this coming Friday. Don't hold your breath, though. I may have more errands to run. At least I got the laundry out of the way.