It was getting a little crowded in Heaven, so God decided to change the admittance policy. The new law was that in order to get into Heaven, you had to have a really bad day on the day that you died. The policy would go into effect at noon the next day.

So, the next day at 12:01 p.m., the first person came to the gates of Heaven. The Angel at the gate, remembering the new policy, promptly asked the man, "Before I let you in, I need you to tell me about the day you died."

"No problem.", the man said. "On my lunch hour, I came home to my apartment on the 25th floor and interrupted my wife apparently in the middle of an affair."

"Immediately, I began searching the apartment for her lover, who was nowhere in sight. My naked wife was yelling as I looked everywhere inside the place."

"Just as I was about to give up, I happened to glance out onto the balcony and noticed that there was a man hanging off the edge by his fingertips. The nerve of that guy!"

"Well, I ran out onto the balcony and stomped on his fingers until he fell to the ground. But wouldn't you know it, he landed in some trees and bushes that broke his fall and saved him. This ticked me off even more."

"In a rage, I went back inside to get the first heavy thing I could get my hands on to throw at him. Oddly enough, the first thing I thought of was the refrigerator. I unplugged it, pushed it out onto the balcony, and tipped it over the side. It plummeted 25 stories and crushed him!"

"The excitement of the moment was so great that I had a heart attack and died right after that."

The Angel sat back and thought for a moment. Technically, the guy had a bad day. It was a crime of passion. So, the Angel announced:

"It is all right sir. Welcome to the Kingdom of Heaven."

After the Angel let the man in, the next person came up to the gate. To the Angel's surprise, it was Donald Trump!

"Mr. Trump, before I can let you in, I need to hear about what your day was like when you died."

To which Donald Trump replied, "You're not going to believe this. I was on the balcony of my 26th floor apartment doing my daily exercises. I had been under a lot of pressure lately, so I was really pushing hard to relieve my stress. I guess I got carried away, slipped, and accidentally fell over the side."

"Luckily, I was able to catch myself by the fingertips of the balcony below mine. But all of the sudden, this crazy man comes running out of his apartment, starts cussing, and stomps on my fingers. Well, I fell, of course. But I hit some trees at the bottom, which broke my fall. So, I didn't die right away."

"So, I'm laying there face up on the ground, unable to move and in pain. And I see this guy push his refrigerator off the balcony. It falls the twenty-five floors and it lands on top of me, killing me instantly!"

The Angel is quietly laughing to himself as Donald Trump finishes his story.

"I could get used to this new policy.", the Angel thinks to himself. "Very well,' the Angel announces. Welcome to the Kingdom of Heaven!'", and lets Donald Trump enter.

A few minutes later, Bill Clinton comes up to the gate. The Angel is almost too shocked to speak. He says:

"Mr. President, please tell me what it was like the day you died?"

To which Bill Clinton replies: "OK. Picture this. I'm naked, hiding inside a refrigerator.....

I just finished watching the Tampa Bay Devil Rays lose to the Toronto Blue Jays, 12-11. The Devil Rays came into the ninth inning with a lead of 11-6. Nine of the Blue Jays got a hit in the ninth, with six of the Blue Jays scoring a run.

How in the hell do you go into the ninth inning with a 11-6 lead, only to lose, 12-11?

It's that time of year again. The annual summer camp.

So before anyone starts writing to me about having nightmares from their childhood summer camp experiences and the bills from counseling and medication as a result of attending summer camps, I'll let you know right now that I will not be writing about any events from our summer camp.

I will, however, let you know that my shift at work has been changed. I am now going in at 8:30 a.m. and working to 5:00 p.m. Which to me, is odd because for all the years I worked summer camps, I would usually go in at 5:30 a.m. Or maybe 6:00 a.m. at the latest.

It's strange because for years, I have been going to work during the morning hours before sunrise. Now, the sunrise awakens me as it shines through the window that faces east. Which actually is a wonderful feeling, considering all the times I would go into work in darkness. Hell, even the rooster would still be sleeping when I drove into work. Usually, I was the one waking his sorry ass up.

Now, the rooster looks at me as if to say: "Are ya' up yet?" And then the rooster looks at the coffee pot,only to see that the Mr. Coffee on the kitchen counter is not plugged in.

Ya want coffee? Brew it yourself! And bring in the damn newspaper next time. Just because the devil and angel don't bring in the paper, doesn't give you an excuse.

Anyway, I have to make some changes to my schedule after work. And I have to change my routine at work as well. So if I have not been writing lately, it means that I am really busy at work. So being able to have a coffee break at work when there is 150 children running around will be few and far between.

Especially when someone peed on the floor in the girl's bathroom.

And just think, thirty years from now, that girl will be paying good money to a shrink to figure out why she peed on the floor.

It is now 10:45 p.m. I have to get ready for bed, since I have to be at work at 7:00 a.m. This is for tomorrow only. I have some business to attend to after work. And then on Monday, it's back to 8:30 a.m.

So good night, and I'll drop in on everybody soon.

And if you see a little red rooster walking around looking lost, send him home. He probably hasn't had his coffee yet.

"Bless me Father, for I have sinned. It has been a week since my last confession. Here is my sin:

I have been with a loose girl."

The priest asks, "Is that you, little Johnny Parisi?"

"Yes, Father, it is."

"And who was the girl you were with?"

"I can't tell you, Father. I don't want to ruin her reputation."

"Well, Johnny, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later, so you may want to tell me now."

"Was it Tina Minetti?"

"I cannot say."

"Was it Teresa Volpe?"

"I'll never tell."

"Was it Nina Capelli?"

"I'm sorry, but I cannot name her."

"Was it Cathy Piriano?"

"My lips are sealed."

"Was it Rosa DiAngelo, then?"

"Please, Father, I cannot tell you."

The priest sighs in frustration. "You're very tight lipped, Johnny Parisi, and I admire that. But you have sinned and have to atone."

"You cannot be an altar boy now for four months. Now you go and behave yourself."

Johnny walks back to his pew, and his friend Nino slides over and whispers, "What did you get?"

"Four months vacation and five good leads."

When NASA was preparing for the Apollo Project, it took the astronauts to a Navajo reservation in Arizona for training.

One day, a Navajo elder and his son came across the space crew walking among the rocks. The elder, who spoke only Navajo, asked a question. His son translated for the NASA people: "What are these guys in the big suits doing?"

One of the astronauts said that they were practicing a trip to the moon. When his son relayed this comment the Navajo elder got all excited and asked if it would be possible to give the astronauts a message to deliver to the moon.

Recognizing a promotional opportunity when he saw one, a NASA official accompanying the astronauts said, "Why certainly!" and told an underling to get a tape recorder. The Navajo elder's comments into the microphone was brief.

The NASA official asked the son if he would translate what his father said. The son listened to the recording and laughed uproariously. But he refused to translate.

So the NASA people took the tape to a nearby Navajo village and played the tape for other members of the tribe. They too laughed long and loudly but also refused to translate the elder's message to the moon.

An official government translator was summoned. After he finally stopped laughing, the translator relayed the message:

"Watch out for these assholes. They have come to steal your land."