So here I am on a Monday morning sitting down to breakfast as the local morning news reports on the weather. At 6:30 a.m., Local6 News (www.local6.com) has 48 degrees in Orlando. This makes for a cold day for all the bikers in Daytona Beach for Bike Week 2007. After Tiffany Tift reports from Daytona about two accidents involving motorcycles, the anchor person goes into the next story about a disturbing video.

Police in Texas released a video showing a teenager teaching a two-year-old child and a four-year-old child how to smoke marijuana.

Excuse me?!

Apparently, the teenager in the video is their uncle.

In the words of Dr. Phil, "What are you thinking?!"

Now, I'm eating breakfast as the video shows a child taking a hit on a joint, and then the child's mother comes on the television being interviewed about the incident. And she is trying to protect the uncle, saying that he should not receive a harsh sentence.

Excuse me while I joke on my eggs and toast!

I have a nine-year-old nephew and a four-year-old niece, as well as two older nieces. They are seventeen and twenty-one years of age. All are the children of my brother. Do you honestly think if I gave my nephew or nieces drugs, that my brother would take it lightly?

HELL NO! He would have me arrested. And that would be after the ass kicking I would get from him, my sister-in-law, and my brother's ex-wife. She is the mother of my two older nieces.

And you know what? I would deserve that ass kicking, let alone be thrown in jail.

Can somebody please tell me if the idiot factory has produced more idiots recently. Excuse my language, but just WTF is this person thinking? The idea of an uncle or aunt giving their niece or nephew drugs or sexually molesting their niece or nephew is beyond me.

If I had children, I know that I would be pissed if someone did this to my children. I would have that person arrested.

After the ass kicking!

Hey Folks,

I just returned home after a day of work at the theme park. After work, I just want to come home and relax,especially after having worked all week. I would like to have some time to relax over the weekend. When I come home, I usually grab something for dinner and watch television.

The Orlando Magic are playing the Dallas Mavericks tonight. So it's a good night to get take out and stay in. Besides, it has been raining this evening, so I don't want to be out on the road.

On the way home, I stopped at Checkers to get a few spicy chicken sandwiches to eat while I am watching the game when I get home. I do not know if you have a Checkers near where you live, but lately the hamburger chain has been taking some heat for their latest promotion.

Their latest promotion is called "RapCat". As you can guess by the name, this character is a rapper cat who is fond of Checkers hamburgers. You can go to the web site, www.rap-cat.com, and listen to RapCat's latest song, "Meow Meow". There are also photos and RapCat merchandise.

In the television commercials, RapCat is a puppet of a cat wearing a basketball jersey with the number "15" on it, as well as a gold, diamond studded chain around his neck. I think the commercial is funny.

Animal rights groups, however, are not laughing about the latest Checkers promotion featuring RapCat. As you receive your order from the take out window, the bag has the letters "RapCat" on it as well as a number 15. There are dotted lines forming five circles that you are to cut out. This way, when you put your cat in the bag, your cat has four holes for its legs, and one hole for the tail.

On the side of the bag, it tells you to cut out the holes, put your cat in the bag, and submit your best videos/pictures to www.rap-cat.com. Then underneath the instructions, there is a picture of a cat with an arrow pointing to the bag, indicating that the cat goes in the bag.

What makes me laugh, however, is that underneath the graphics, there is a caution that not all cats are willing to wear this bag. Then they ask their customers not to harm or endanger any cat.

Your telling me not to endanger a cat, but you're giving me a bag with dotted lines to cut out so I can stick a cat in the bag. And then you want me to send photos of my cat wearing your bag?

When I was little, my mother had a Siamese cat by the name of Shaun. He was a really great cat, but he didn't take any shit. Try putting him in a bag, and he would have taken your hand off! Hell, some of the dogs in the neighborhood were afraid of Shaun. If I would have tried to shove Shaun in a bag, I probably would not be typing this right now!

Anyway, as much as I like Checkers and their RapCat commercial, I would reconsider about the bag. I know that it is a joke, but let's face it, there are some stupid people out there. I think the puppet is funny, as well as the rap song. But I would never attempt to try placing a cat in a bag for some laughs.

Especially a Siamese with an attitude.

I locked my keys in my truck the other day. I have been driving for almost 30 years now, and I have never locked my keys in my truck. It is a good thing that I am a member of the American Automobile Association (AAA). With their emergency road service, I can call and let them know about my problem and they will send help. Fortunately, I had just arrived home when I locked my keys in the truck. Unfortunately, the keys to my apartment are on the same key chain.

"Well Dave, tell us who our next contestant is for Stupid Human Tricks?"

"Well, folks, his name is Al and he hails from Orlando, Florida. Let's give a big, warm welcome to Al, everybody!"

Paul directs the band to start playing a song while Al enters the stage with a dumb look on his face. The audience applauds.....

Anyway, I call AAA on my neighbor's telephone to report my problem. The time is 5:20 p.m. They tell me that they are receiving a high volume of calls, and that it will be awhile before they come out to assist me. Then I am told that it will be 8:10 p.m. when someone should arrive.
The customer service representative apologizes, saying that they are receiving a high volume of calls.

"Don't go away folks, we have more contestants for Stupid Human Tricks coming right up..."

So here I am, locked out of my apartment and waiting for AAA to send someone out to unlock my truck. Like I have said earlier, I have never locked my keys in any vehicle I have ever owned. Until now. And when I get my truck unlocked and get into my apartment, the first thing I am going to do is get my spare key out and put it in my gym bag that I take to work with me every day.

"So tell me Al," Dave asks while Paul is behind the microphone laughing, "you mean to tell me that you never carried a spare key in case of an emergency?"

Paul falls onto the floor in uncontrollable laughter.

As I wait, a few neighbors stop to talk and ask if they can be of any help. One thing I find out about my neighbors is how nice they are. And if any of them should ever need a hand, I will offer them help in a heartbeat. I tell them that I am fine, and we proceed to talk about the apartment manager. She is the other sister of the Wicked Witch from Oz that you never hear about. And she is more rotten than all of them put together.

Eight o'clock arrives. The AAA assistant should be here in ten minutes. Neighbors still come by and chat, and each one tells me about a time when they have locked their keys in their vehicles. I guess it happens to everyone. One neighbor tells me about the time when she left her keys in the ignition and the car running in idle as she accidentally locked the door. Another neighbor stops by and starts to complain about the apartment manager.

"Wow. Nobody likes this person", I think to myself.

"So Al, tell us about this evil apartment manager.", Dave asks while Paul and his band is playing the music from The Wizard of OZ. You know the music. That one that plays whenever the wicked witch appears on the screen.

"I'll get you, my pretty, and your little dog too!"

I don't even have a dog. At 8:45 p.m., help finally arrives. And the emergency roadside service person steps out of the truck. And you could tell that he has been having one of those bad days. He apologizes for being late as he gets his tools out from his tool box.

I tell him that the weather is nice. It's not raining, and it is not zero degrees, and that he is finally here and nothing bad has happened to either of us, so as I am concerned, everything is fine.

In the manner of a minute, he has the door open and I get my keys. When I came home, I set the keys on the seat in front of me. And as I got out, the keys slid to the floor.

After he left, I was finally able to get into my apartment. And the first thing I did was to put a spare key in my gym bag. Just in case of emergency. And I put my truck key and apartment key on different key chains. Just in case.

Now everything is back to normal, and from now on I'll make sure that I have my keys in hand when locking the door.

Unfortunately, it is the first week of the month, and the rent is due. Time to visit the wicked witch of wherever she's from.

It is Tuesday, and I have the Moody Blues playing Tuesday Afternoon in my head. But it is only Tuesday morning, yet way too early. I have just had my first sip of coffee,and I am thinking about the guy in the Domino's Pizza commercial yelling, "Let's hear it for Tuesday!"

I feel like telling him what he can do with his Tuesday.

Anyway,back to my coffee and off to work I go. "High-Ho, high-ho...."

Try to have a good Tuesday.

So "The Departed" won for Best Picture, 2007, at this year's Academy Awards. Out of the five films nominated for Best Picture, this is the only film I have seen. Has anyone seen any of the other movies nominated?

There are two movie theaters within five miles of where I live. One is a cinema chain based out of Texas (Premiere), and the other is a second run theater that shows the movies a few weeks before they are released on DVD. Out of the five films nominated for best picture, only three of the films have been shown in my area ("The Departed", "The Queen", and "Little Miss Sunshine").

Another film nominated for best foreign film, "Pan's Labyrinth", is showing in Orlando. But not at a theater near where I live. The film that won for Best Foreign Film, "The Lives of Others" (Germany) will not be in Orlando until April.

WTF?

Another movie I wanted to see, "The Last Prince From Scotland", also played in Orlando. But nowhere near me.

Why is it that whenever I want to see a movie that I want to see, I have to drive all the way across town. And all the movies that I don't want to see are showing at the theaters near me.

I do not mind driving a distance on occasion to see a movie that I really want to see. But it seems that there are several films that are in limited release. And some films, such as foreign films, are never released in the area. One movie theater in Orlando, The Enzian, makes an attempt to bring these films into the area. But it is only one cinema with one screen, and it only shows the film for a limited time.

I hope that since the Academy Awards are over, I hope that some of these films will be shown in wider distribution. As for "The Departed", it is a movie I really enjoyed. And I think that it is one of the better films that Martin Scorsese has done over the past few years. And I really enjoyed "Happy Feet", which I took my nephew to see. That film won for Best Animated Film. If you haven't seen it, check it out when it comes out on DVD.

As for the winner of the Best Foreign Film, I hope I don't have to go to Germany to see it.