A pastor entered a donkey he owned in a horse race, and the donkey won. Many people could not believe that this could happen, so the pastor entered the donkey in another horse race. And sure enough, the donkey won again! This pleased the pastor very much that his donkey had done so well.

The next day, the local paper ran the headline:

PASTOR'S ASS OUT IN FRONT

Upon reading this, the bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the pastor not to enter the donkey in any more races.

The next day, the local paper headline reads:

BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ASS

This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the pastor to get rid of the donkey. The pastor decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent.

The local paper, upon hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day:

NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN

After reading this, the bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for $10.

The next day, the paper read:

NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10

This was really getting to be too much for the bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back the donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild.

The next day the headlines read:

NUN ANNOUNCES THAT HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE

The bishop was buried the next day!

The moral of the story is...being concerned about public opinion can bring you much grief and misery...and even shorten your life. Stop worrying about everyone else's ass and you'll be a lot happier and live longer!

Sometimes I read other blogs, but I never leave a comment. Maybe it's because I don't have the time, or sometimes it's just that I don't have anything to say.

If you don't hear anything, it will probably be me. I'll be there, reading your blog. And if you don't see a comment from me, no need to worry. I have already been there, reading about what has happened in a day of a fellow blogger. Or it could be a joke I read, or maybe something about the word LIE. And I am not telling a lie, I promise you that. I read your blog.

So if you are reading this, it is time for me to retire to dreamland. The alarm clock goes off really early for the drinking buddy.

Good night, have a great Wednesday, and I will write something on this blog when I get an idea.

Now if only the woman in my dream can get naked BEFORE the alarm clock goes off.....

Earlier at work today, someone made a comment to me that there are only two more weeks of the summer camp left to go. Then on August 7, school starts in Orange County, Florida. Later this evening, I was talking to my nephew on the phone. He starts school at the same time. This is my brother's son, and they live north of Atlanta. After I hung up the phone, I was thinking about when I was in school.

Is it just me, or is school starting early? Are children in school more than when I went to school? When I went to school, the first day was the Tuesday after Labor Day. The school year usually went to the first or second week of June, and then we were out until after Labor Day.

In high school, I remember how all of us on the football team would look forward to the Labor Day weekend. After three weeks of two-a-day practices in the August heat, Labor Day was a welcome relief. That meant only one practice a day after school.

And speaking of football, I remember the pre-season would start for the NFL in August. Those are the games where the first string plays the first quarter, and then the second and third string players play during the rest of the game.

"And this guy played at what college?"

So the NFL has a pre-season until September. Meanwhile, the college teams are starting early. Usually on Labor Day weekend, the college games would start that Saturday. Now, there are all of these kick-off classics, and you have college teams playing in twelve or thirteen games instead of the traditional eleven. And on fields that are over 100 degrees in the August heat.

I just wonder if maybe we are overdoing it. Soon, some administrator from the school board will bring up the idea of year-round school again. And some corporation will put up big bucks for two college teams to play in the first college game of the season earlier than the so-called kick off classic. While all the other teams are still practicing before the season starts.

As I get older, it just seems like summer slips away. There's no time for the beach. Nor is there any time to take in the amusement park, let alone a ballgame. There isn't even a song that stands out as a traditional summer song anymore, as when I was growing up. It seemed like it wasn't summer if there was not a song by The Eagles, Fleetwood Mac, or Elton John.

I just wished that my nephew and other children could enjoy the summer and start on that Tuesday after Labor Day. In the meantime,let them get out to the park. And give them a song to remember that summer by.

I am just glad that my nephew does not have to walk up the hill both ways in five feet of snow just to get to the school like I did.

Merita Bread has a large bakery located on Division Street in Orlando. This is where they bake breads, buns, and other products for the grocery stores. As you drive along Interstate 4, you can smell the bread being baked. It is one of the pleasant aromas in the area that I can think of besides the sweet smell of orange blossoms in the spring. The aroma of fresh baked bread wants me to get off the road and pull up to the bakery. Which I can do, thanks to their thrift store.

After work on Tuesday, I entered the thrift store. If you buy the products there, the prices are cheaper than what they are in the grocery stores. I had my work uniform on, as well as my employee identification badge when I went up to the register for check out. As the lady working the cash register is ringing up my items, she notices my shirt and employee ID and realizes I am a city employee.

She then starts to complain to me about an alligator she had in her lake. She called a department in the city services to complain about the alligator. When asked if the alligator was being a nuisance, she said it was not. Then when she was asked where the alligator was, she told the person that the alligator was in the lake. The person then told her that is where the alligator belongs, then hung up.

As the lady continued to complain, I got to thinking to myself. If the alligator is in the lake and is not harming anyone, what is the problem? The lake is where they belong. Where are they suppose to be? Besides, they were there first.

And why are you complaining to me. I work in recreation, and I have someone complaining to me about something not related to my department. I have had people complain to me about trash collection, grass not being cut at city grounds, traffic lights not working, and sewage backed up. And now I have someone complaining to me about alligators. What do you want me to do. Go out and catch the damn thing?

I may be crazy, but not stupid. And I have some balls, but not enough to go after an alligator. If the alligator is not a pest, why try to go out and kill the creature, let alone catch it.

When an alligator loses it fear of human beings, like any wild animal, then you are going to have a problem. If it is not bothering anyone, leave it be.

Why do I have to get the idiots? I just want a loaf a bread and a fruit pie.

Remind me to take my ID off. And maybe change my shirt.

What next? Someone complaining about black bears?

Since the air conditioning is working, I decided to stay in and watch television while the dishwasher is on. The exciting life of a bachelor. At least I can get my Lauren Graham fix while the dishwasher cleans the dishes. How Gilmore Girls never gets nominated for an Emmy is beyond me.

While watching television, I have been on the computer checking any web sites and e-mails while the commercials are on. I was watching the news the other day, and there was a story about YouTube.com. The story reported about the top video downloaded, which was a video of a UFO flying over New York City.

I went to the web site tonight to check out the video, which I thought was interesting. There were other videos of UFO sightings, such as a Russian MIG flying through the air with an object off to the distance. Another had a UFO in clear view. The rest of the videos, however, were laughable. The objects on the videos were out of focus, and the footage was poor quality. Plus the operator of the video camera could not hold the camera straight. One guy had a video of an airplane flying at night and trying to pass it off as a UFO, for crying out loud. I was waiting for a video with a UFO supported by strings. Just like those bad sci-fi movies from the 1950s.Or like those Big Foot movies. The creature is out of focus, the film is grainy, and the person doesn't know how to hold a camera. And how about those photos of the Loch Ness Monster?

Maybe next time I go out to visit my friend Ron in Astor, we can go out into the Ocala National Forest and make a video of some swamp creature. Pay some redneck $20 dollars to walk through the forest in some gorilla outfit with an alligator head on it. YouTube would love it!

Anyway, I took tomorrow off from work, so I am staying up late tonight. Tomorrow is my birthday, and I will be turning 45.

And my plans for tomorrow? None!

Oh, I will go out to dinner and to a movie, but I do not plan on doing anything but rest. I may do a few things around the apartment, but I plan on just relaxing by the pool.

I do not get excited about birthdays anymore. Today at work, my manager bought a cake, which I sliced for the staff. I cannot eat a whole cake by myself, and I usually do not buy a big cake for myself. I will go out for dinner, and I usually get a gift from my brother and his wife.

My sister bought me a membership for AAA a few years ago, and she renews it every year. One the best gifts she has bought me. That, and a subscription to Sports Illustrated. And I usually buy myself a CD that I have wanted. The other day, I bought On An Island, the new CD by Pink Floyd guitarist David Gilmour. If you want a wonderful album to pick up, get this one.

A CD I have in my collection is Sex & Drugs & Rock & Roll: The Best Of Ian Dury And The Blockheads. This is going back to my high school days when punk rock was big in England. As the title would suggest, there are songs that are full of sexual innuendo. There is a song called You'll See Glimpses, in which Ian Dury raps about how he has solved all the problems of the world. It is one of the most positive songs I have ever heard, as he talks about how everyone will live in peace and harmony.

In the song, he says: "Oh, all I want for my birthday is another birthday!"

Ian Dury passed away a few years ago. His music lives on, and the Blockheads got together for a reunion to do a benefit for charity. Tomorrow, I will be playing Ian's CD (LOUD!), and I will be saying the same thing.

"Oh, all I want for my birthday is another birthday!"

Isn't that the best birthday present anyone would want?