1.)My mother taught me to appreciate a job well done:"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning!"
2.)My mother taught me religion:"You better pray that will come out of the carpet!"
3.)My mother taught me about time travel:"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"
4.)My mother taught me logic:"Because I said so, that's why."
5.)My mother taught me more logic:"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."
6.)My mother taught me foresight:"Make sure you wear clean underwear in case you're in an accident."
7.)My mother taught me irony:"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."
8.)My mother taught me the science of osmosis:"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."
9.)My mother taught me about contortionism:"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck."
10.)My mother taught me about stamina:"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."
11.)My mother taught me about the weather:"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."
12.)My mother taught me about hypocrisy:"If I told you once, I told you a million times. Don't exaggerate."
13.)My mother taught me about the circle of life:"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out of it!"
14.)My mother taught me about behavior modification:"Stop acting like your father!"
15.)My mother taught me about envy:"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you."
16.)My mother taught me about anticipation:"Just wait until we get home."
17.)My mother taught me about receiving:"You are going to get it when we get home!"
18.)My mother taught me medical science:"If you don't stop crossing your eyes , they are going to get stuck that way."
19.)My mother taught me ESP:"Put your sweater on;don't you think I know when you are cold."
20.)My mother taught me humor:"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."
21.)My mother taught me how to become an adult:"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."
22.)My mother taught me genetics:"You're just like your father."
23.)My mother taught me about my roots:"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"
24.)My mother taught me about wisdom:"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."
25.)My mother taught me about justice:"One day you will have kids, and I hope they too turn out just like you."
This is something that my sister e-mailed me. I do not know who the author is, but I thought this was too funny not to share. So I hope you have a Happy Mother's Day. And I hope you don't use one of these lines on your children.