A woman is having a problem with the family dog. Whenever the dog sleeps, it snores really loud. This gets very annoying. She decides that the dog has a problem and takes the dog to the animal hospital.

The veterinarian examines the dog and tell her that the dog's snoring is not a serious problem and can be cured with a simple procedure.

"And what simple procedure will stop my dog from snoring?", she asks.

The vet then tells her to take a ribbon and tie it around the dog's testicles, and he will stop snoring immediately.

"Yeah, right!", says the woman.

Later that night, the dog's snoring wakes her up from a sound sleep. She is so mad, she takes a red ribbon and ties it around the dog's testicles. Sure enough, the dog stops snoring.

"Well I'll be damn!", she says to herself. She then goes back to bed.

Later that night, her husband comes home drunk from a night out with the boys. He plops down on the bed and immediately falls asleep. Shortly thereafter, he begins to snore loudly. This wakes his wife up for the second time this evening. And she is pissed!

Looking at the dog sleeping quietly, she then gets an idea and finds some blue ribbon. She ties it around her husband's testicles, and sure enough, he quits snoring.

Later on, the husband wakes up and staggers into the bathroom to relieve himself. Looking down at his privates, he sees the blue ribbon and becomes confused. Walking out of the bathroom, he looks down at the dog who is asleep with a red ribbon tied around his testicles.

"I sure don't remember what happened tonight old buddy.", the man says to the dog. "But by God, we took first and second place!"

Why is it that whenever you watch a commercial for a fast food chain advertising their breakfast sandwiches. everything is stacked up on the english muffin/bagel/biscuit in a neat and orderly arrangement.

And then when you unwrap the breakfast sandwich from it's paper wrapper, it looks like it had been used for a hockey puck in a NHL match-up between the Red Wings and the Rangers?

Good morning, everyone.

I hope all of you had a great Easter. I had to work this weekend, so I did not have much time to write in this blog.

The weather was great, and I got my taxes out of the way, so I think an afternoon by the pool after work is in order. Get the cooler ready!

I will write later after I get rested. Those tourists sure can wear a person out! And I have plenty to write about, including the moron driving towards me without his headlights on this morning. Is there some reason people drive without their headlights on when it is dark? I notice this a lot. But I'll write about that later.

I know it's Monday, but try to have a great day!

On Monday after I came home from work, I cooked dinner and turned the television on to watch the news.

As I sat my plate down on the table, I noticed that a video of a man being pursued by the authorities was playing on the television.

"Oh, this must be COPS.", I said to myself as I poured more hot sauce on my sausage gumbo. A television station here in Orlando has COPS on in syndication.

"But that is earlier in the afternoon. It is now 5:00 p.m.", I said as I looked at the clock.

As I looked back at the television, a picture of State Senator Gary Siplin came onto the screen. He had this big smile on his face. Like the kind of smile an automobile salesperson has when he or she greets you at the dealership.

"Would you buy a used car from this man?"

I don't think so.

Anyway, back to the video. It was WFTV Channel 9 Eyewitness News. The lead story for the evening was that earlier in the day, Sen. Siplin was charged with third degree grand theft, a felony, and illegal use of service of officers or employees, a misdemeanor.

Channel 9 went to Mr. Siplin's office for an interview about the charges. Instead, they got video of him avoiding their request for an interview by climbing over the fence behind his office building and getting into a vehicle that was waiting for him.

At first, I thought I was actually watching some street thug running away from the police and scaling a fence to have a getaway car waiting for him. I was waiting for the police attack dog to come into view, biting the thug on his ass as he attempts to scale the fence.

It is a shame when a politician breaks the law. But for a politician to act like some street gangster, that, to me, is really low.

If you go to www.wftv.com, you can see a slide show taken from the video footage.

I just wish a police attack dog could have bitten him on the ass!

It must be writers block.

This is the first time in almost a week that I have been able to sit down in front of my home computer and write in this blog. And I am trying to figure out what to write about. As you know, I was having problems with my ISP last week. Because of this, I could not get online and write my blog. I have access to a computer at work, but the only time I can only use it for personal use is during my break. It doesn't give me much time to write.

As I write this, I have the stereo turned up and the can of cold beer open. You can't do that at work!

And in case you are wondering, I am listening to the new Morrissey CD, Ringleader of the Tormentors. I will tell you about the CD at a later time.

I miss The Smiths. And I wonder how Echo and the Bunnymen are doing. Come to think of it, I believe they have a new album out. As well as The Alarm. And Pearl Jam is coming out with a new CD in May.

Are you feeling old yet?

Last week was not the best week for me. Like I said in an earlier blog, I have had a lot on my mind recently. I don't know if it is a mid-life crisis, but I am thinking about the crossroads I have come to in life. I came across a blog recently which the author writes about how this was not the life she had ordered. Sister, I hear you loud and clear on that one.

I never thought that I would be where I am now. I remember having goals, but never being able to achieve them. I remember having dreams, but those dreams have since disappeared. I am having a hard time financially. It seems no matter what I do, It just gets worse.

I just started my twenty-first year with my employer. I am vested with a pension, and I will have medical benefits when I retire. I just wonder if I can hang in there for another five years. I have made it this far, so five years should be no problem. There is a part of me, however, that feels like looking for employment elsewhere. Would I be happier? Would I be better off? I don't know.

I am still single, and I have never been able to meet the right woman. I have never been married. And it makes me wonder if there is someone out there for me, or if I am to go through life all by myself. I wonder if I will be like those old men at McDonalds who sit around and drink coffee while solving all the problems of the world. Only to do it again the next morning. I can see myself now, complaining why I cannot get my phone line fixed so I can get online. Or how they don't make music like that anymore, and whatever happened to The Smiths?

Last week, I went for a walk along Lake Underhill to sort out any thoughts I may have about my present state of affairs. It seemed that many people had the same idea. If the weather is nice, everyone is down at the park walking, skating on rollerblades, or bicycling.

As I walk along the trail, I look ahead and see the ducks panhandling for breadcrumbs. Several people feed the ducks throughout the course of the day, and anytime the ducks see someone walking the trail, they approach the person for bread.

Thinking about what life has in store for me, I walk along as the quacking of the ducks gets louder from behind. I look to my right, and there are two ducks waddling up from the lake hitting me up for bread.

"Sorry guys. I don't have any spare bread on me."

The two ducks are quiet as they look at me with disappointment. They look at each other, then proceed to waddle back to the lake quacking loudly the whole time. I have this bad idea that they were cussing me out for not having any bread. You know you're having a bad week when you have a duck cussing you out. At least the otters didn't give me a hard time when I was here last.

I returned home from my walk with many unanswered questions. I did have a better feeling about current events,though. Although I may be having a tough time, things should get better. All problems have a way of working out. And I am doing the best that I can. And I am also thankful of what I do have in life. I guess it takes one day at a time.

And the next time I go for a walk, I better remember to take a loaf of bread. I don't want to piss off the ducks!

Thanks for the support, and I'll talk to all of you soon.