A man wakes up one morning, walks into the bathroom, and gets ready to take a shower. As he removes his briefs, he is suddenly horrified by the sight of his penis. Overnight, his penis turned black and blue. And it hurt really bad when he had to urinate.

Thinking that this was a sexually transmitted disease, there had to be a cure. He went to a doctor to find out what was wrong and what could be done to cure it.

After examination, the doctor told him that there was no cure. He would either die from the disease, or stop the disease from spreading by having his penis amputated and live.

Not happy with the prognosis, the man decided to get a second opinion. He recently was overseas on vacation, and he was with a prostitute one night in a particular country. Since this is where he got the disease, he then decided that he would look up a physician from that foreign country and get a second opinion.

After finding a doctor , he makes an appointment for a second examination.

The doctor meets with him at the appointed time, and gives him a complete exam.

"I am very familiar with this STD.", the doctor tells him. "Let me ask you, have you seen another doctor about this?"

"Yes, I have.", said the man. "And he told me that he would have to amputate my penis."

"That is not necessary.", the doctor tells him. "There is no need for surgery."

"In two to three weeks, it will fall off by itself!"

Earlier this evening, I had to go to the post office to drop off a letter, go to the grocery store, and do a few other errands. On the way to the post office, I decided to go for a drive through Little Saigon.

Little Saigon is a Vietnamese business district in the Colonialtown area of Orlando. The heart of this business district is Colonial Drive (State Road 50) and Mills Avenue (17-92). Orlando has a small population of citizens from Vietnam, Laos, Thailand,and Cambodia.

There are several Vietnamese grocery stores, restaurants, and other retail stores and professional services. If you have an afternoon to walk around and visit the stores, do so. If you are into cooking and are trying to find an item for a recipe of oriental cuisine, you will most likely find it here.

After dropping off my letter at the post office, I drove down Colonial and looked through the windows of several businesses. I have yet to go to one of the Thai or Vietnamese restaurants. I tell myself that one of these days I need to go down to Little Saigon on a Friday night and try one of the restaurants. There is even a submarine sandwich shop on the corner. I don't think this is your everyday Subway!

I drive further down Colonial near the area I used to live, and I see that a sushi restaurant has recently opened.

"Now why didn't someone open a sushi place when I was living in the neighborhood?", I asked myself. I finally get to the grocery store and proceed down the aisle along the deli and seafood counter. In the corner next to the seafood is the sushi counter. Here, sushi chefs prepare various rolls of sushi and package it for take out. It is really good. Beware of the wasabi! It will blow the back off your head off with a heat that is beyond intense. It has been awhile since I felt that sensation.

I think I know what my plans are for Friday evening. There are several eateries I have yet to try in this neighborhood. And after dinner, I can walk down to the Vietnamese video store and rent a video. If only I can read the oriental letters on the posters. Maybe I'll just stick with the martial arts or the anime.

Bring on that wasabi!

I am watching the eleven o'clock news before I go to bed. I like to find out what the weather will be for tomorrow. In case anyone is wondering, the low tomorrow morning will be 42 degrees. The high for Orlando will be 67 degrees.

One problem I have in watching the local evening news is the commercials from all the car dealerships in the area. Is it me, or are they just annoying.

One commercial for a dealership has two salespeople showing what new vehicles are in the lot while the dealership's mascot, a dog, is sitting on the hood. Just what I want when I purchase a new vehicle, a scratched paint job. And in the background, several salespeople are standing around waiting for a customer. I went to this dealership once, and I wasn't even out of my car yet and a salesperson was already waiting by the car. If you're going to stand there, open the damn door for me so I can get out!

Another dealership has the owner walking around with his dog, Buster, under his arm. And he has his grandchildren in the commercial, as well as some guy by the name of Captain Credit. I'm just waiting to see a moose and a rabbit in the commercial.

Another dealership has a spokesperson who announces his name and points to himself. I know who you are, so why are you telling me your name all the time. One car dealership has this blond wearing short skirts, while another dealership has a blond with plenty of cleavage doing this country girl act. Do you actually think having a great looking woman in your commercial is going to bring me down to your dealership? Maybe it works for some, but not me.

There are auto dealers in costume, auto dealers in drag, and one used car dealership not only has a local television show, but a rap song as well.

I bought my vehicle from a dealership who advertises on the television and radio, as well as in the newspaper. Whenever I have seen an advertisement for this dealership, there is no one jumping around screaming or dressed up as a clown.

Do I hear circus music?

Anyway, any customer of this dealership I have talked to has told me that they got a great deal on their vehicle. When I went to this dealership, I was given plenty of time to look around on my own. And if I had any questions, just ask for their assistance. And I didn't have to worry about stepping in any dog shit from Buster the Wonder Dog while walking around the lot.

Nor did I have to worry about some salesperson in costume. If it's not Halloween, then I get really nervous.

The news is over, and it is time for me to go to bed. And another dealership is advertising. Sorry guys, but I got the news, weather, and sports. So I'm not interested.

But if the blond in the short skirt comes on, I'll give her a moment of my time.

But I'm still not buying.

I would like to know who the first person was who had the idea of making bread from brown, over ripe bananas. Whoever that person was, I wonder what the original recipe was. It seems like everyone had a mother, aunt, or grandmother that was known for baking. And banana bread was one of her specialties. And her recipe was different from other bakers.

My mother gave me this recipe for banana bread a long time ago. I have seen other recipes over the years, but I have always had luck with this recipe. So if you are one of those people who do not have a recipe and are trying to figure out what to do with the brown fruit that is attracting flies in your kitchen, this recipe is for you.

BANANA BREAD

2 1//2 cups all-purpose flour

1 cup sugar

3 1/2 teaspoons baking powder

1 teaspoon salt

3 tablespoons vegetable or canola oil

3/4 cup milk

1 egg

1 cup chopped nuts

1 cup mashed bananas (2-3 medium size)

Heat the oven to 350 degrees. Grease and flour 9x5x3 inch loaf pan. Measure flour, baking powder, and salt. Sift dry ingredients and place in a large mixing bowl. Add sugar and mix with dry ingredients. Add oil, milk, egg, nuts, and mashed bananas. Stir ingredients until everything is mixed together.

Pour mix into baking loaf pan. Bake for 60 minutes. Place a toothpick in the middle of the loaf to test if the banana bread is done. Toothpick should come out clean.

This recipe has always worked for me. If you try it, I hope you enjoy it. When I make this for myself, I place the milk, egg, oil, and bananas in a blender and puree the wet ingredients. I then add the mix to the dry ingredients. Then I add the nuts.

I just made two loafs tonight, and the banana bread always comes out great. Now all I have to do is wait until it cools down. It goes great with the morning coffee.

I am watching the NCAA Basketball Tournament right now, so I am drinking beer. I don't think the banana bread will go along with Genesee Cream Ale. I'll wait until tomorrow and have it with my coffee.

Now if you want to have banana bread with your beer......

A man is walking through a pet store and sees a sign that reads "Parrot For Sale: $50"

"A parrot for fifty dollars?!", the man says to himself in amazement. "Parrots usually go for several hundreds of dollars."

He inquires about the parrot, and why it is on sale for $50. The manager of the store tells the man that the parrot has no legs.

"If he has no legs, then how does he stand on his perch?" asks the customer.

The store manager becomes embarrassed, then tells the customer, "Well, the parrot has an extremely long phallus, which he wraps around the perch for support."

The manager shows the man the legless parrot. And sure enough, the bird is on his perch supported by his phallus. The parrot says hello, then starts a conversation with the customer. The parrot was formerly owned by a naval officer. The parrot not only could carry a conversation, but was also fluent in several different languages.

"This parrot is amazing!", the man says. "Legs or no legs, I'll take him."

A few weeks later, the man is going out of town on business. He asks the parrot to keep an eye on his wife while he is gone. The parrot is more than happy to oblige.

Three days later, the man comes home from his business trip to find his wife not home and the parrot on the floor.

"HELP ME UP! HELP ME UP!, screeches the parrot.

The man helps the parrot get back on his perch, then asks what happened.

"Yesterday, one of your co-workers came over to visit your wife.", the parrot tells him.

What happened then?" masks the man.

"Well, they started to make out. And they were fondling one another."

"What happened next?", asks the man.

"Well, they took all their clothes off and got onto the bed. Then your co-worker started kissing your wife on her breasts, worked his way down her stomach, and then started to kiss her in between her legs.", the parrot tells his owner.

"What happened after he started kissing her all over?", the man asks.

To which the parrot informs him: "I don't know. I got a hard-on and fell off my perch!"